Part One of a two-part series.

At age 10 I liked to take off all my clothes and make up imaginary stories, fake video games, if you will, that would involve unexplainable acts of "self torture" (nothing painful) and a variety of different places to sit while nude. This went on for a few months. I then discovered that my penis was craving to be touched while I did these acts. I did so starting at about the age of 10 1/2, but didn't do much more. The touch felt good, but I knew a small part was missing.

I found this was all due to sexual urges at age 11 when I went to my local gym and club. In the men's locker room, there was a hot tub that was very relaxing. I was alone in it one day and stood up a little bit. The jet stream from the hot tub (more commonly known as the bubble-making thingy) whipped past my penis, causing unbearable pleasure. I couldn't believe how good something like that felt. I was very stimulated, but too young to orgasm. At that time, actually, I didn't even know what an orgasm was. Unfortunately, that was the last time I tried that. I didn't ever get another chance.

My life moved on. I was approached by many new obstacles. My parents were getting a divorce, my best friend moved away, my pet bird died, my mom went through a tough time and used me as a sounding board -- and on top of all of this, I went through many therapists who seemed to be making the problems worse. My life was at an all-time low. The only thing that kept me going was my sexual games of nudity. But, even then, there was still something missing.

With no friends at age 11, I had no idea that the word "masturbation" even existed. I continued to just play my little games, until one time....

One summer at age 12 I was visiting my father (who lived in another city) when I discovered another grand feeling. He had a shower that was the kind that had seats in it. One seat was on one side, under the showerhead, and the other seat was on the opposite side, which shower water sprayed on a lot. In the middle was the drain in a little crack between them. What I then did was I took the showerhead and sat inside that little crack (my dad thought I was just taking a shower). I sprayed strong jets of water onto my penis head. Again, unbearable pleasure. It felt so strong and intense. I pretended it was against my will, too, which (as you will discover) always has interested and excited me. Still, I didn't know what I was doing, why I was doing it, and I thought no one else did it, either. I felt guilty and thought what I was doing was wrong, but I did not stop. I did it every night I was at my father's house.

I got back home from my vacation. It was still summer break, and I had a new friend. Things were beginning to look bright again, and at the same time, my sex drive was getting larger and larger. I had been trying the shower act, now knowing what an orgasm was and trying to have one, in my own shower at home. It was not as good because the showerhead didn't detach, and I had to bend in all kinds of positions for it to work, and the privacy was lower. I feared someone seeing me.

Finally, just as summer ended, I thought about how sex was done while I was in the shower. I thought, "What would happen if my hand was like the woman?" I immediately put my hand on the shower wall, and started hip thrusting. It was not very pleasurable, but I could tell I had caught on to something big. I tried it a couple more nights in the shower. It was becoming something that I was more adept at, but there was one problem. I got many sores and cuts from trying too hard. I had a cream that cured them, but not fast enough before I started again. I had done many things with my newfound hobby that I still thought were wrong, but I convinced myself if it feels good, do it. So I did it, and did it...and did it.

I was 13 when summer came around once again after the most stressful school year of my life. I went over to my friend's house one day, and he was cleaning his dad's car. He had a vacuum that put down soapy water and sucked it back up again, and you could see foam coming up the vacuum. He said, "You know what that looks like?" He was referring to semen. I jokingly said, "How can you tell?" and laughed. He said, "I have my ways." I was a bit shocked to hear what he was saying. I said hesitantly said, "Me too." I was lying, because I had not ejaculated yet. He asked, "Really? How do you do it?" I picked up a pencil and quickly took my thumb, middle, and index fingers and rubbed up and down on the pencil twice quickly and threw it back down, embarrassed. He said that was the way he did it, too. We talked about it for hours until I went home. We both admitted that we would "release the tension" of our conversation in our own bathrooms.

Unfortunately I didn't talk to him again for weeks. When we finally got back together, we talked and talked. That's when I became 100% okay with the idea of masturbation. He told me he found a Web site on the subject called JackinWorld. Curious, I went to it the second I got home. Techniques and ideas flooded my head. JackinWorld was the best thing that ever happened to my masturbation life. I learned about lubes, what vibrators were, how to clean up if I did ejaculate someday, what I should worry about, and what I shouldn't.

My friend and I went onto the site many times reading all the stories and techniques. He admitted that his friend, whom I knew from school, had masturbated with him before. This really surprised me. I always wanted to masturbate with him but never had the guts to ask. I finally did after he told me that. I asked him if he wanted to do it now. Not being the disagreeable type he said okay, but he acted strangely and finally told me he didn't want to do it. I was embarrassed for asking and did not get over it for a while.

I had been invited to a sleepover with that same friend and another one. We slept in the basement. We talked into the early morning. At about 1:00 AM we decided to get more comfortable with our bodies. I was the most nervous of all, but they were very supportive of me, and we tried walking around with no clothes on in the dark. We talked in the dark while naked. My friend's friend and I wanted to masturbate. My friend said okay. We masturbated ourselves, and then each other. Unfortunately, one person was always left out. I was probably the most uncomfortable during that time as anyone. But overall, the night was great. The only problem was we were up until 3:30 and had to get up at 7:00. We were extremely tired the next morning, but it was worth it.

To Part Two


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