Part One of a three-part series.

I think I was about 6 or 7 when I discovered that rubbing my penis felt really good — not just nice, as it had felt when I was younger. It started with a "rosy palm" trick: grabbing my penis with one hand and rubbing the very tip of my penis with the palm of the other. The feelings were incredibly intense, and I couldn't do it for very long. A few times, I was able to do this with my friend John, who was about same age. We did this secretly, as somehow we knew it might get us into trouble. I also remember playing "doctor" with the girl next door, but I had no idea what her parts were really about. It was very sexually stimulating in a vague, naive sort of way.

We moved by the time I was 8 years old, and these things went without further exploration until about age 10, when I began to ask enough questions that my father had "the talk" with me. I also received some information from one of my brothers, although he really didn't know that much. I found the whole thing baffling, but it was exciting as well. Over the next couple of years, I had a few chances to see an adult magazine or two, and to do some very simple sex play with friends: pretending to have sex, assuming a sexual position, and pressing on the other person with my groin and vice-versa. We talked a lot about "hard-ons" and "boners," but we didn't play show-and-tell or anything of that nature — that would have been too much for us. I didn't discover serious masturbation until later. The other kids and I never took our sex play to the point of orgasm, so it always had a sense of incompleteness to it.

In school, I was one of the youngest kids in my class. This mattered little until I entered junior high school. As a 7th grader, I was far less sexually developed than most of my peers. It was very embarrassing to be one of the "bald" kids, with a little boy's penis, in the locker room. Over the course of the end of 7th grade and the start of 8th grade, I started to have more sexual feelings and more frequent erections, although there was still no physical change. I had heard a lot of talk about sex at school, and I began to wonder what the point was — it didn't seem to be that special. There was also talk about "jerking off" or "jacking off," as well as other things like French-kissing, getting to "second base," etc. I didn't really know much about any of it, but I could tell that others knowing you "jacked off" was not a good thing, as boys who had been caught masturbating were severely teased. I did know about condoms and sex, and I even found one of my older brother's condoms one day. I tried it on, and it was so big and my penis so small that I just couldn't imagine a penis fitting into one of them!

Finally, in 8th grade, I became determined to find out about masturbating and all the other things I had been hearing about. I couldn't find much information until I happened upon a book about sex in my parents' room one day. I quickly discovered the word "masturbation," but there were too many terms in there that didn't make sense, like "orgasm" and "climax." I decided to take the book into the bathroom to use it as a kind of a "how to" manual and find out for myself. I remember rubbing and rubbing my penis, like the book said. It felt good, and it was exciting to be on a voyage of discovery. That first time, it seemed like it took forever to have my first orgasm. Then, finally, it happened all of a sudden: my first, dry orgasm. I now understood what all the fuss over sex was about! I remember thinking that those 10 seconds or so (I timed it — quite the scientist I was) seemed like a minute or more. That first orgasm still is one of the best I have ever had.

I masturbated a lot after that. It became a race to determine how fast I could orgasm. (A big mistake — don't do that!) Then, one day, in the spring of my 8th grade, I finally found the first hairs on my penis. Shortly thereafter, I had my first ejaculation — one tiny, clear drop of fluid at the very tip of my penis. The change from little boy to "man" had seemed to happen overnight. I was so proud! I wanted to tell someone, but there was no one to tell — you didn't admit to masturbating back then.

Go to Part Two


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