Conclusion of a three-part series; read Part One or Part Two.

As I got older, masturbation became a constant issue for me; it was difficult to wait until I got home from school. I remember doing it in the bathroom of my friend's house once, and outside in the yard at night. I tried lots of different things, putting my penis wherever it might feel good. When I had a little penis I had dreamed of the day that I would be large enough for a toilet-paper tube — and between ages 14 and 15 my penis became much bigger, overnight it seemed. I was now too big for the toilet-paper tube! I also remember being alarmed that my penis became somewhat bent as it grew, and that it seemed to bend to the left — coincidentally, the same hand I used. I read books frantically to find the answer, petrified that I would have to ask a doctor. Luckily I learned it's normal. I also remember being scared of the dreaded physical exam — it didn't matter who or what touched my penis or scrotum, I would become instantly erect! To my relief, that never happened. Of course, now the doctor performs all kinds of exams on me, and it doesn't bother me at all.

At age 15, at the peak of my masturbation activity, my parents and I went on vacation to visit our friends, among them my friend John from early childhood. This involved long periods in the car and sharing hotel rooms, which meant no outlets for my sexual energy. I wasn't sure what I would do; I was certain I would explode if I couldn't masturbate, but it was nearly impossible to get privacy. Once I even tried to masturbate in the back of the car while going through Nevada, but it was too difficult. I was successful masturbating in a hotel pool using the water jet. That was cool, though I was scared of being caught! By the time we got to John's house, I was very sexually frustrated. John was 14 then and clearly as sexually developed as I was, but he didn't understand too much about it — I think his parents sheltered him. We talked a lot about sexuality, and we showed each other our penises. But he was shy, so I had to masturbate in private at first. Finally toward the latter part of the visit he tried masturbating, and we were able to do some simultaneous masturbation under the sheets, in our own beds.

My last time masturbating with a guy was after I finished high school. One of my best friends and I were hanging out at a place I was housesitting, talking about sex and looking at some magazines. We became aroused, and I really wanted to explore mutual masturbation again. I found two vibrators and suggested that he try them over his pants. It worked well to make us both more aroused, and we soon were pantsless and vibrating each other. He couldn't handle any actual touching with hands, though, other than to compare sizes. He acted like it was not really happening. I thought all through this that he was just "going along" and not really enjoying it, but then he ejaculated first. Afterwards, he used both of the vibrators on me — one on my penis, and one in my perineum. I had a screaming orgasm! The next day we were both embarrassed, having been raised good Catholics and all, but we knew we'd had fun. When I confronted him he admitted he was as into masturbation as I was, but that was the last time I masturbated with another male.

I grew up just in time for AIDS to hit the world, and between the paranoia of HIV and Catholic guilt, further sex play was out of the question. Since my school days, I have had many close friends; several issues surrounding solo, simultaneous, and mutual masturbation, as well as sexual orientation, have long since been demystified. I only wish I had understood sooner.

I have since spent my time dating women. I continued to masturbate and felt (and still feel) no shame about it. I have tried new things, and I've learned to take my time and enjoy my body. Today, I am in my 30s, happily married, and committed to my wife. We know of each other's sexual past, and it has made us all the closer. I still masturbate, although not daily or more like I used to. Sometimes my wife and I masturbate together and/or each other. Sometimes, though, I still need to have time just to myself. I doubt that will ever change.


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