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Part One of a two-part series. I am a heterosexual Caucasian male living in Upstate New York. I discovered masturbation accidentally. Around age 12, when my penis began to grow, my erections became more frequent and started to capture my attention. I initially wasn't concerned about my penis size; I was in the early stages of exploring my sexuality. I would stare in the mirror with my penis erect at a right angle to my body, just admiring the beauty of the whole experience. My erections were very hard, but they were still only about 4 inches. I thought that the overall shape of my penis was perfect — it looked cute to me, and that's all that really mattered for the time being. I would lie down in the bathtub and pull on my scrotum so my penis would stick straight up in the air like a rocket on the launch pad. It was an admiration stage — I hadn't yet discovered what awaited just a few months down the road. One night while I was in bed (I shared the room with my brother, who was two years older), I got another one of those erections. This time something compelled me to reach into my briefs and grip my penis. I was just trying to test how hard my penis was by prodding and squeezing it. Then something compelled me — destiny perhaps? — to start an up-and-down rubbing motion with my fist, all while maintaining a firm grip. I knew I couldn't rub too fast, because the bed vibrations would become loud enough to alert my brother. (If you can't already tell, my family was very secretive about masturbation, and no one ever mentioned the "word" in a serious context.) When I was doing this, I had no idea what it would eventually lead to. I just kept rubbing steadily, and after a few minutes, I felt an unusual sensation in my penis as if I developed an urge to urinate. I didn't make anything of it at first, but of course the sensation became stronger as I continued. When I reached orgasm, I had no idea what was going on. I can't even say I experienced pleasure — I felt a jerking sensation in my penis, as if something was coming out, but I knew it wasn't urine, a so I was confused. I probably ejaculated some semen, but I wasn't aware of the whole ejaculation process, so I didn't think I may have stained my shorts. I simply went to sleep, hoping my brother wasn't distracted by what I had done. The next day, my brother inquired about the noise — so I decided that from then on, I had to investigate further in the privacy of my bathroom. It also dawned on me that I probably experienced my first official orgasm. I knew from reading sexuality books that orgasm was supposed to be pleasurable and exciting, so I proceeded to explore further. That morning, in the bathroom, I masturbated and ejaculated a very small amount of semen into the toilet, which confirmed what I had suspected. I actually had a sense of awe that I now could provide life-giving fluids — but my attention soon turned to the pleasure aspect of the experience. This is when I started to crave any sort of information about masturbation I could get my hands on. I went to my school library and the county library to read whatever they had related to masturbation. I found the whole "research" experience incredibly erotic, and I would often end up masturbating in the school or library bathroom. I never masturbated with my friends, but looking back, I probably could have done it with my closest friend, with whom I had sleepovers for several years, had I known about JackinWorld and knew how common "circle jerks" were. I was always extremely curious to see how I stacked up with others my age. In my gym class, we never took showers (only the varsity football and basketball players had such an "opportunity"), so I was basically left out to dry. Hence, my curiosity, even to this day, has not been quelled. I have yet to see a live erect penis from a guy my age, and that just plain frustrates me to no end. I've downloaded video clips of the porn star Peter North, but that's as close as I've come to seeing the real thing in person. Go to Part Two. Go to the JackinWorld Random Biography Picker Go to the JackinWorld Biographies Index | |||
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