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  (continued) COOL AS A CUCUMBER  Cut a good-sized cucumber about 2" (5 cm) from the end, leaving you with a cross section at one of the wider parts. Then use a small spoon to scoop out the cucumber 4" to 5" (10 to 12 cm) deep. You can use a knife if necessary to help form the hole you are scooping. Don't cut yourself! You must be sure not to make the hole wider than the diameter of your penis — a tight fit is essential. After you have the right-size hole, place the cucumber on your penis. It should be tight enough to barely fit. You will notice a fair amount of suction if it is adequately tight. The inside of the cucumber naturally provides a good lubricant. Masturbate normally, moving the cucumber up and down your shaft. VARIATION: WARM AS A CUCUMBER Once you've hollowed out the cucumber, lightly boil or microwave it. This makes the flesh softer. Soak in cool water for a few minutes, and then heat it up under running warm water. Dry it, poke an air hole in the end, wrap it with duct tape for strength, lubricate it (optional), and have fun. You can also rotate the cucumber between your palms to spin yourself to ecstasy!
THE WASHCLOTHED SHOWER HEAD  While in the shower, completely cover the shower head with a washcloth and hold it there with your free hand. There should be a large stream of water falling straight down. Put the head of your penis in the stream and masturbate normally.
THE TOILET PUMPER Lube your dominant hand. Kneeling at the toilet, place your lubed hand palm up and grip your penis. By "pumping" your hips, you can simulate intercourse. The toilet not only acts as a surface level with your hips, it also catches all of your semen for easy clean-up. Wipe your penis with toilet paper, and flush. Bye bye, mess.
THE BLANKET-RUB  Lie on your back (on a bed) and lay an unfolded blanket over you. With your arms and hands, tightly hold down the blanket to the bed. Now move your hips up and down and back and forth so your penis rubs against the blanket. It takes a while until ejaculation, but it feels good — it simulates a girl on top of you.
PILLOW PEOPLE Fashion a "companion" out of pillows and comforters; wrap it up tightly and shape it like a person. You can even add water balloons for breasts or a pillow "head" — be creative and explore. If possible, wrap the outside with a silk or satin sheet — something soft and skin-like. Make a deep depression or crevice with the pillows; stuffing some silk or satin fabric in the hole makes a lubricant free "vagina." Variation: Put a lubricated rubber glove or plastic bag on your penis and insert it into the crevice. Similarly, you can combine your "Pillow Person" with other Vagina Simulators here in JackinExpert.
IT'S THE SHEET Get into bed and lie on your back with just a sheet over you. (Make sure all other blankets are out of the way.) Pull down your underwear or pajamas if you're wearing them. Get an erection; grasp your penis by the base with just a few fingers, and move it back and forth rapidly (toward your stomach and then toward your feet), letting the head barely rub the sheets. This is very arousing and can create almost unbearable pleasure.
THE DOUBLE CONDOM For this one you need 2 types of condoms: one that's non-lubricated regular or snug-fitting, and one that's large-size and lubricated. First, put the non-lubed condom on your penis; then put a lot of K-Y Jelly or other water-based lube on the larger condom and put it on over the first. Masturbate by sliding the outer condom over the inner one. You won't orgasm as fast, but when you do it will feel really good.
FANTASTIC SUCKING ZUCCHINI Get a large zucchini or cucumber (the texture is different, so try both), about 8" long and 2" wide. Slice off the stem end. Put it in the microwave for a minute or two; this softens the material inside. Then take a knife and slowly hollow out the inside, being careful not to puncture the skin. Try it on for size after it is cool. Now lube up — you might not need as much as you think, as the natural moisture inside helps. After you get going, alternately squeeze and release the vegetable. This will create a sucking action since the air inside cannot escape. Even if the air does get out through a small hole or tear, this technique seems to work.
SHOWER CURTAIN MADNESS When masturbating in the shower, wrap the shower curtain around your penis. This works best with the "Backhand" grip.
BLOW ME DOWN Get a small travel fan or something similar, and set it up so it blows air over your penis. If you have a more powerful fan, even better. This works best if you either don't use lube or use a non-drying lube like oil or Vaseline. Of course, this technique can be combined with many others.
SOCK'EM BOPPERS In toy or discount stores there are inflatable boxing gloves called Sock'em Boppers. When inflated they are about 12" in diameter. Lie on top of the partially inflated tube and insert your penis where your hand should go; you can roll around and thrust to your heart's content. They're inexpensive and much easier to use and conceal than an inflatable doll, but they work really well. If you have the patience, you can fill the Sock'em Bopper with warm water. Non-oil-based lube is recommended. VARIATION: WITH A CONDOM This involves putting on a partially inflated condom. Blow up the condom very large — when you try to put it on, most of the air will rush out, but that's okay as long as some air is left in it. Once you have the partially blown-up condom on your penis, let out enough air until it's inflated only to the normal shape of the condom. (Keep too much air in it and the condom will pop. "Ribbed" condoms feel better with this technique. When you're done, just throw out the condom.
HOT-WATER PARADISE  First, lubricate your penis generously with petroleum jelly (Vaseline); its water resistance is very important. Then masturbate with your penis submerged in very warm water. This works best with a shallow tub or a pot. Your penis (and preferably your scrotum, too) must remain submerged in the water at all times, and the hotter the water you can stand, the better. (Note: If it's too hot to keep your hand in easily, it's too hot!) A hot tub doesn't have the same effect, because the rest of your body is at the same temperature as your penis. When you ejaculate, the hot water heightens the sensation like no other.
IT'S IN THE BAG Take a plastic sandwich bag and put a good amount of lube in it — enough to thinly coat the sides. Now put that bag on a heating pad set to low for a few minutes, so the lube and bag warm up. The fun part: Put your penis into the bag, and with your index finger, rub the bag across your penis head until you ejaculate into the bag. Tip: Do this where it's easy to clean up lube if you spill any.
THE BLIND MELON Get a nice-size cantaloupe and cut a hole about the size of your penis. You can insert your penis into the cantaloupe and either move the fruit up and down or hump it — either way, it feels great. You may want to put a small hole in the opposite end if the suction gets too strong. The feel of the warm juices running down your scrotum is out of sight. Clean up is not too bad, and you might be able to do it more than once with the same melon.
PASTA PASTA PASTA Cook some noodles in boiling water, pour off the excess water, and let the noodles cool off. Then make a penis-size hole in the pasta, which should be fairly stuck together at this stage. Then away you go. The wet pasta should be enough for a lube. Caution: Don't be too eager with this one — to avoid burning yourself, the pasta must have cooled enough so you could hold a finger inside it without any problem. And please, don't serve the pasta to your family afterwards!
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