Fun with Objects and Substances
Alternate lubes and hands-free methods
Boy in the Bubble
Unroll a condom (one that's clear and without spermicide) and blow it up like a balloon to a size slightly smaller than a bowling ball. Pinch the open end an inch or two from the end, place it over the end of your erect penis, and then slip it all the way down. Allowing a little of the air to escape lets it slip down more easily, as does some lubrication. Your penis will be encased inside the clear "bubble." Now, experiment with different movements – press down on the condom, tap your penis onto the sides, etc. When you're ready to ejaculate, you can just stroke and watch the semen shoot out onto the insides of the condom. Cleanup is easy, but one caution: Hold on tightly as you slowly let out the air; otherwise the condom fly off your penis like a rocket and propel your semen all over the place.
Hot Towel, Anyone?
Soak a small flannel hand towel in hot or warm water for a few minutes until it is quite hot (but be careful not to burn yourself). Take it out of the hot water, squeeze out some but not all the water, add some water-based lube if you like, and wrap it around your penis. It feels like a real vagina, and when you are finished you can even use it to clean up the semen.
The Flashlight & Blanket
Here's a method that's handy to use at night in bed. Being sure that your blankets are tucked tightly under the mattress, get under the covers and place a flashlight onto your penis, near the scrotum, and use it to "tent up" the covers. Your penis should be at a 90-degree angle with the flashlight – that is, your erection points toward your head while the flashlight points up and away. Now, rock your hips back and forth to stimulate your genitals; the tension from the blankets should keep the flashlight just tight enough to do this. By pulling the covers over your head in the dark, and having the flashlight on and pointing down, it makes a glow which may be seen through your scrotum – or, you can make it light up your pubic hair. You can either caress your penis while in this position or just rock back and forth until you ejaculate hands-free (although in that case you may get semen all over your sheets).
Put a Sock on it
Put a sock on your penis and masturbate simply by pulling on the base of your penis. In doing so, the sock will move over the rest of your penis. One good thing about this technique is that you can do it almost anywhere.
The Ice-Cold Pour
Fill up a glass of ice-cold water. Take it into the bathroom, put up the toilet seat, and sit down like you're going to use it. (Alternatively, you can kneel in front of the toilet.) Start masturbating as usual, and when you are just starting to ejaculate, pour the ice cold water onto your pubic region, letting it fall into the toilet. If you're careful it won't create a mess, but it will create one hell of a sensation!
Cool as a Cucumber
Cut a good-sized cucumber about 2" (5 cm) from the end, leaving you with a cross section at one of the wider parts. Then use a small spoon to scoop out the cucumber 4" to 5" (10 to 12 cm) deep. You can use a knife if necessary to help form the hole you are scooping. Don't cut yourself! You must be sure not to make the hole wider than the diameter of your penis – a tight fit is essential. After you have the right-size hole, place the cucumber on your penis. It should be tight enough to barely fit. You will notice a fair amount of suction if it is adequately tight. The inside of the cucumber naturally provides a good lubricant. Masturbate normally, moving the cucumber up and down your shaft.
WARM AS A CUCUMBER
Once you've hollowed out the cucumber, lightly boil or microwave it. This makes the flesh softer. Soak in cool water for a few minutes, and then heat it up under running warm water. Dry it, poke an air hole in the end, wrap it with duct tape for strength, lubricate it (optional), and have fun. You can also rotate the cucumber between your palms to spin yourself to ecstasy!
The Washclothed Shower Head
While in the shower, completely cover the shower head with a washcloth and hold it there with your free hand. There should be a large stream of water falling straight down. Put the head of your penis in the stream and masturbate normally.
The Toilet Pumper
Lube your dominant hand. Kneeling at the toilet, place your lubed hand palm up and grip your penis. By "pumping" your hips, you can simulate intercourse. The toilet not only acts as a surface level with your hips, it also catches all of your semen for easy clean-up. Wipe your penis with toilet paper, and flush. Bye bye, mess.
The Blanket-Rub
Lie on your back (on a bed) and lay an unfolded blanket over you. With your arms and hands, tightly hold down the blanket to the bed. Now move your hips up and down and back and forth so your penis rubs against the blanket. It takes a while until ejaculation, but it feels good – it simulates a girl on top of you.
Pillow People
Fashion a "companion" out of pillows and comforters; wrap it up tightly and shape it like a person. You can even add water balloons for breasts or a pillow "head" – be creative and explore. If possible, wrap the outside with a silk or satin sheet – something soft and skin-like. Make a deep depression or crevice with the pillows; stuffing some silk or satin fabric in the hole makes a lubricant free "vagina." Variation: Put a lubricated rubber glove or plastic bag on your penis and insert it into the crevice. Similarly, you can combine your "Pillow Person" with other Vagina Simulators here in JackinExpert.
