I've masturbated for as long as I can remember. For all I know, I may have been busy masturbating when I was born. Of course, my technique when I was young wasn't very sophisticated. I'd lie on my front, I'd use my right hand to clamp my flaccid penis against my right leg, and I'd cup my left hand over my scrotum, which I held to my left. Then, I'd wiggle my groin. I masturbated like this at least once a day, and I think my penis may have been my favorite plaything. It certainly is the only plaything I still play with 30 some years later!
Those early days had one major advantage: I had no trouble accepting either my penis or masturbation. Both seemed natural. Unfortunately, that started changing as I grew older. I found myself more and more conscious of my penis, and I was increasingly embarrassed by it. Even urinating seemed embarrassing, and I was careful to wear clothes that completely hid any sign that I had a penis lurking in my pants.
However, the most embarrassing thing by far was a spontaneous erection — and I had many of those. For a year or two my penis may have spent more time erect than it did flaccid. For a while, I honestly thought there might be something wrong with me, although I never mentioned anything to my parents — I'd rather have died of whatever exotic disease caused my penis to stiffen strangely.
I became quite adept at shifting my erect penis to one side (through my pants pocket), and I figured I'd be okay. Until, that is, I learned that my 7th-grade gym teacher would require us to take showers. All I could think of was how awful it would be to have an erection in the school shower. So, I weaseled my way out, claiming "religious differences." (Later, I'd learn that this excuse is the oldest in the book. But surprisingly, the teacher bought it. Go figure.)
Skipping showers didn't make me popular. I got teased a lot, but I figured I'd get far more abuse if I showered and had an erection. But the worst thing was that my teacher insisted that I use the locker room as much as possible. I suppose he hoped that it might encourage me to change religions. It never happened, but I did end up seeing many guys my age naked without even having to try. And it seemed like every guy had a better-looking penis than I had. Which stood to reason — if my penis had a defect that caused it to suddenly stiffen, it might have other defects, too. While masturbating I often fantasized about having a "good" penis that I could proudly show off after gym class.
During my teen years, I'd often think that maybe I should stop masturbating. It seemed like a bad habit, and I was scared by how strong the desire to masturbate could be. Unfortunately, no one mentioned to me that masturbation was normal. No one I knew admitted to masturbating, either. I can even remember one guy talking about how he'd heard that some guys "needed to masturbate," and how sad it was. I was actually dumb enough to think this guy had no such needs of his own. In any case, I was never able to quit — the desire was strong, and it grew stronger with every passing day.
High school sex-ed was drier than Death Valley, but it did inspire me to experiment with masturbating with an erect penis. Surprisingly, I still used my old technique described above. But I was open to new adventures. The experimentation took a long time. It would have been faster if I'd had a better knowledge of sexual mechanics. Then, I experimented only at times when I was certain there was no chance that I'd get caught. It also didn't help that I'd often stare at my penis while experimenting, and I'd wonder why it refused to work properly. Usually I'd experiment for a while, lose interest, and revert to my old technique. But finally I managed to masturbate to ejaculation with an erect penis. For my new technique, I'd lie half on my side, half on my front, and I'd thrust my penis in and out of my clasped (and lubricated) hands.
For the next few years, I alternated between my original technique and my new technique. My new technique gave much more pleasure while masturbating, and much more intense orgasms. But the older technique seemed more practical most of the time, since it was done without lubricant, seemed faster, and needed less cleanup. But in time, I shifted to using my new technique almost exclusively — although I keep my old technique waiting in the wings, just in case I ever suffer from erectile dysfunction.
In recent years, I've come to accept my penis. In fact, I can't even imagine having a different penis. The biggest help, surprisingly, has been the showers at the gym. Seeing other guys naked has made me realize that my penis is perfectly okay. And being naked myself has been liberating after years of trying to pretend that I don't have a penis. I still worry about having an erection in the shower — and I've had some close calls. But if it happens, I figure I can laugh it off.
I still masturbate every day, usually more than once. I'm not sure what my record is, but it's certainly more than 5 times. I'm single and don't like casual sex. However, even if I weren't single, I'd probably still masturbate. For the most part, I use the technique I devised as a teenager. It works well, and there is something about having my penis in between both of my hands that seems right. But like a good jazz musician, I'm willing to improvise. For the most part, I've come to accept masturbation as a normal part of being human, although I'm not at 100% acceptance. I'll admit to a friend that I masturbate, but I won't be sending a copy of this in place of my Christmas card letter — even though it's far better reading. I now use a "personal lubricant," but I buy it as part of a mixed order, and I try to get a male clerk. I hope that I'll eventually reach 100% acceptance of masturbation. This may be hard, but I'll take it one day at a time — or maybe I should say, "one masturbation session at a time."
Do you find yourself masturbating more often during some seasons than others? Why?
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Willing to improvise
Gender:
Male