fantasy

My penis and I are close friends and trusted companions. We have traveled the world together and indulged in ecstatic pleasures for more than 6 decades. I became aware of him as a secret source of enjoyment when I was 6. Not long after that, I remember sitting up in a tree with my sister and her friends talking about forbidden parts of our bodies. I can still revive the sensation in my penis as we probed imaginatively into the intriguing unknown.

My first strong memory of getting an erection is from when I was 4 or 5 years old. My mom and I were walking around in a department store, and she happened to notice I had a tent in my pants. This seemed to embarrass her a little, but being so young it didn't embarrass me at all. She asked me if I had to go to the washroom, and because I didn't, I said no. But back then, I didn't even know why my penis got hard and stuck out like that. I just figured it was what happened when I needed to urinate, and I gave no more thought to it.

My first memory related to my genitals dates to an incident that occurred when I was about 4. Three other boys of the same age and I decided to compare the sizes of our penises. Incredibly, we did so in broad daylight in the parking area of our apartment building! I don't know if we were observed by anyone, but nothing was ever said — to me, at any rate. There were no further such episodes or anything else related to it.

It seems that a few chance events in my early life have shaped my sexual life. At age 10 a new boy moved into our school from out of state. He knew all the bad words and strange activities that the rest of hadn't even dreamed about. He became a good friend to me. I was happy to have him as a friend because he knew how to have a good time and had lots of fun ideas. At first we had a good time playing ball, hanging out, and talking. One day he asked me about a neighbor girl that I played with quite a bit.

I grew up in a Southern family that was extremely religious. We never talked about sex, alcohol, or bodily functions. Our home was almost puritanical; I never saw my dad or brothers naked. I'm sure that my mother was actually afraid of sex; my dad never spoke of it, although I think he had a very strong libido, so he was probably hugely frustrated most of the time. (In mid-life he left my mother to have a torrid affair with another woman.) I began to have sexual fantasies around age 10, although I didn't realize that's what they were.

I'm 47 years old, and I can't remember when I didn't know what an erection was. When I had one, it was lots of fun to play with. I remember being a little boy in the bathtub with a little tiny erection, rubbing it between my fingers, and it felt so good. My parents didn't give me much grief about it; they just studiously ignored the matter. I got the subliminal message that I should do it in private, or maybe not do it at all.

I was never very conscious of erections, and at first, they were a pain — a needless, useless wonder. I'd get one, and if I noticed, I'd tap it to try to rid of it. At sleepovers when I was very young, friends would ask what they were. I had no idea, and told them so. This continued until I was about 10, at which point I decided (or was told) that erections were something to be hidden and covered up. Ironically, it was this decision/command that piqued my curiosity.

The first time I ever heard of masturbation, I was 13. I had been in a chat room and was dared to masturbate. I told everyone I was doing it, even though I didn't know what it was. A few minutes later I asked a 17-year-old guy who was also in the chat room; he told me what is was and how to do it. Later that night, at around 10 p.m., I went into the bathroom and tried it. I didn't understand the feelings it gave me, but I kept going until orgasm. No semen came out, and it felt painful to me. I promised myself I wouldn't try it again because of the discomfort.

I began to masturbate at about age 11, mainly due to curiosity about my body that a number of guys have when they start wanking. I was sitting in bed and noticed that my penis had gone stiff. I began to rub it with the "fist" method, and a little later I had this intense feeling, my first orgasm. I rushed to the bathroom, thinking I needed to pee quite badly. I thought all these feelings I had were odd, and didn't think about what I had done for a week or two. At about this time, my friends had been joking about wanking, and I had no real idea what they were talking about.

I have been playing with my penis since I was a child. My mom told me not to put my hands in my pants, but she didn't tell me anything when I played with it during a bath or in my bed. My first embarrassing incident was at age 5. I stayed in a hotel with my grandmother, and I woke up with a strong erection. I grabbed it and just kept it in my right hand. Suddenly my grandmother started to get up and uncovered me, too, for a bit. She asked me what I was doing in my pajamas. I pulled out my hand and did not say anything. Fortunately she did not say anything more.