My most unpleasant experiences are when a parent or sibling walks in and interrupts. Other than that, I remember when I found an electric massager in my bathroom. Naturally, I wanted to feel the pleasure of vibrations on my crotch. I eventually ended up totally naked, stroking my penis with the massager in my hand. It felt great until I ejaculated. It hurt a lot and I couldn't walk right for a few days.
- age 15, Ohio
When I was 15, I was in the basement where I work. Hardly anyone goes down there. I also had the door locked. There's an old clothes dryer that rattles, so I decided to get some enjoyment from it. Just as I was starting to get into it, my dad walked in. I was so shocked I said I had an itch and was scratching it.
- age 18, Michigan
When I was 12 and on holiday, I was masturbating in the shower. I was kneeling down and somehow sprained a muscle in my neck. For about a week afterwards, I thought this was associated in some way with my masturbation experience (I was far less wise on the subject then). Every time I went to masturbate again, the pain would come back. The actual pain had gone within a day or two, so I think the experience may have been psychological. In the end, I talked myself out of it.
- age 16, United Kingdom
I had an unpleasant mutual-masturbation experience with another male. Although I am not currently against the idea, I think that then I couldn't really question my sexuality without feeling bad about it.
- age 18, Florida
One time I used shampoo as a lube without any water. When I woke up the next morning, my penis looked as if it had been burned. There was pus coming out of cracks in the skin and it was purple, not to mention extremelypainful. I didn't tell anyone, and eventually the skin all peeled off. It was very scary to peel dead skin from my penis, and I learned a good lesson.
- age 16, Virginia
I was trying to get off quickly for some reason I can't recall when my dad knocked on my door. It was locked. I think he heard me zipping up my pants and he started to talk to me about masturbation. It was so lame! I already knew what he would say. After that, I didn't masturbate for a week!
- age 12, South Carolina
When I was quite young (soon after I discovered you could masturbate outside of the bathtub!), I had not yet learned the value of lubrication and gave myself a friction burn. I ended up with a scab and a very painful penis for about a week.
- age 22, Minnesota
A couple times I tried putting a rubber band on my penis. Since the band was too big, I had to double it up. My skin and pubic hair got caught between the two loops, which hurt a lot, especially when I had to take off the rubber band! There was also a very odd and frightening swelling reaction from my penis afterwards. Don't ever try this – I'm a dork!
- age 15, Oregon
About a year-and-a-half ago, I was masturbating my boyfriend. Right after he ejaculated, I started to masturbate myself, forgetting that I had some of his semen on my fingers. About five weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. I truly regret that day.
- age 17, California (female)
The only one I regret was the time I had another guy masturbate my penis in his mouth. I do not regret the times that male friends masturbated me with their hands, but I feel quite different about that one occasion. It is one of the few things in my life I feel I cannot share with my wife, and I wish I had not done it. I wish I had made up my mind beforehand about what to do in a situation like that, rather than wait until I was too horny to think about it.
- age 29, Montana
I was in my room at about 11 o'clock at night and I thought my dad was asleep. All of a sudden, in the middle of my masturbation session, he walked into my room looking for a flashlight to fix his bathroom faucet. I have never been so embarrassed about anything in my life!
- age 15, Florida
Masturbation has really been unpleasant for me only when I have tried to eat my semen after ejaculation. It was always a fantasy, but when I tried it, it tasted bad and made me feel like I was crossing the line into weird perversion.
- age 22, Illinois
I wanted to know what my semen tasted like but I didn't just want to put it on my finger and taste it. I rolled onto my back and masturbated until I ejaculated into my mouth. It wasn't that the taste was bad, but I hurt my back doing it. I'm okay now, though.
- age 15, Canada
When I was 15, my dad walked in on me. I was watching a porno video. It was so embarrassing – I was butt naked and had Vaseline all over my penis. He later explained to me it was okay and that he used to do the same. However, I did not want to discuss that kind of stuff with my parents.
- age 18, Texas
When I was in the 7th grade, I was obsessed with masturbation. Even though I couldn't ejaculate, I loved every minute I spent masturbating. One afternoon, I masturbated on the bus on the way home from school. I curled up against the wall of the bus and put my coat over myself. I unzipped my pants and started masturbating through my underwear. A few minutes into it, one of my friends sat down beside me and lifted my coat. He couldn't believe what I was doing, and he got up and told everyone else on the bus. I was so embarrassed! It wasn't long before everyone at school knew. Since then, I have made up with my friend, who later told me he masturbates every night. I have regained my dignity and also learned to be more discreet about my masturbation habits!
- age 15, Indiana
When I was 14, my sister barged into my bedroom while I was masturbating. I couldn't face her for weeks. Finally one day, she whispered to me, "Girls do it too, you know, so why don't you stop worrying?" I felt a lot better after that.
- age 36, New Zealand
Well in a way, every time I masturbate: I always regret it when it's over, just becauseit's over. This may not be what you had in mind, but I thought it should be said.
- age 15, Canada
I once was masturbating and squatting down with a lot of pressure in my legs. When I orgasmed, it felt like I had a brain explosion. I mean, I got a headache from hell. I had to lie there on the floor!
- age 18, Kentucky
I was masturbating when my mom knocked on the door and said something to me. I couldn't stop thinking about her the rest of the time. It sucked.
- age 15, Pennsylvania
I've masturbated with many of my friends but there's one I wish I hadn't. He kind of wigged out afterwards and told some mutual friends I had begged him to masturbate with me. However, he never mentioned that he actually had tried to make me look bad. Even so, our true friends who know both of us knew that this guy just freaked out after doing it!
- age 29, California
My best friend walked in on me. I was scared that he would tell and ruin my reputation. About two weeks later, he and I were watching one of my dad's movies and the subject came up, and we talked about when he discovered me masturbating. Later that night, we showed each other how we did it. It brought us closer together as friends. Now we talk about everything
- age 15, Illinois
Shortly after I got AOL, I looked for people I could have cybersex with. When I found one, I started masturbating. Then I ejaculated on the keyboard, shorting it out. I had to say I spilled milk on it, but I don't think it was convincing.
- age 18, Florida
When I was about 12, I was in the shower and stroking pretty hard when I heard the door open. The shower room in my house has two doors that connect my bathroom with my older brother's. Sure enough, my brother (two years older) was standing there watching me through the clear shower doors. I was so embarrassed – and he threatened to tell my parents! Since then I have become more comfortable with my masturbation and couldn't care less if he tells them.
- age 16, Missouri
When I was about 16, I asked my best friend if he would be interested in masturbating together. Since then he has not spoken to me. I think he thinks I am gay. I tried to explain to him what I meant, but he continues to ignore me. So anyone wanting to try group masturbation should be careful who they ask.
- age 18, Australia
I was spending the night with one of my friends. It was late and my friend was asleep. We were sleeping on a pullout couch bed with quilts that his mom had made. I decided to masturbate right there on the bed, and when I ejaculated it got all over the quilts, although I didn't know it. I just went to sleep. I woke up the next morning to find the semen had dried all over the quilts. His family wanted to know what it was, and I said it was dried-up ice cream. I don't know whether they knew, but it still sucked!
- age 15, Arizona
One time I wanted to count how many times the sperm is pushed out of the penis, so I didn't stimulate it while I was ejaculating. It's unpleasant, because you just don't feel anything. (By the way, it was eight times.)
- age 17, Mexico City
I tried to use "Easy Cheese" as a lube. It didn't work well – it got in my hair and irritated my penis. Plus, the surrounding areas were greasy for a long time. So take my advice and don't use Easy Cheese.
- age 15, Michigan
I once tried a homemade paste of ginger powder and olive oil on my vulva. I had read about the erotic sensation it adds to sex (or in this case masturbation). However, I quickly regretted it and spent quite some time sitting in a tub of cool water. The moral is: Don't believe some of the wilder things people write.
- age 35, United Kingdom (female)
I once thought it might be fun to grease up a Q-Tip and insert it into my urethra. The plan was to see how far it would shoot when I ejaculated. What actually happened was that it prevented my semen from coming out. The next day I had the worst pain I could have imagined, every time I either took a step or urinated. I suggest not trying this one!
- age 16, Ohio
I once tried to make a vagina out of a washcloth and paper towel roll. I got carried away and really had some nasty abrasions on my penis. It healed up in a couple of days, but it sure took the fun out of that one try.
- age 14, Mississippi
I believe there is a time in every guy's life when he feels the urge to masturbate with one of his buddies. I was 14 when I had that feeling, and I had an experience with a guy ten years older. I really regret that moment, not because the masturbation was bad but because he took advantage of me. He had told me he would help me with some situations and problems that were going on in my house, life, and family. It really sucked when I found out he only wanted sex with me. If you ever have that feeling, make sure the person you do it with is the right one.
- age 15, Puerto Rico
A few sessions were messy and somewhat disappointing because of so much cleanup afterwards. That's the biggest regret – the cleanup.
- age 16, Virginia
Once, while masturbating in the bathtub with my back to the faucet, I kicked out in the throes of orgasm and pushed myself into the faucet, scraping up my back and giving myself a lovely battle scar. I guess it's not thatbad, but I won't masturbate in the bathtub for a while.
- age 15, Minnesota
I had a very regretful experience being masturbated by my girlfriend. I had been lucky enough to find one who gave wonderful hand-jobs, and she was doing this one day upstairs in her room. She had not-too-long but very sharp fingernails, and one of them was dragging along the underside of my penis. It felt so good anyway that I didn't want to say anything, and I was afraid she would feel bad and stop – so I allowed it to go on for the full 20 minutes the process took. The next morning I woke up with a massive scab on my penis where she had rubbed it raw. I couldn't do anything with it for two weeks.
- age 19, Maine
Recently, my arm was in a cast, so I could not masturbate and enjoy myself. I tried it left-handed but it was just not the same.
- age 24, Illinois
How could masturbation ever be unpleasant? It's like pizza – even when it's bad it's still pretty damn good.
- age 19, Massachusetts
