When I was in college, I lived in a dormitory and had a roommate. I tried to find many ways to masturbate while he was in the room without him discovering me. One time I tried to use my back massager while I was in my top bunk and he was in the bottom one. I told him I was using it on my sore neck. All was okay, until I had the most intense orgasm I had ever had and it was impossible to hide what was happening. At first I was *so* embarrassed, but after a minute or two he said, "Hey, do you mind if I try that thing?" After that, I never used anything but my own hands to masturbate.
- age 29, Pennsylvania
This Week's Wackiest Response:
I tried the "Rosy Palm" once. I'd be willing to try it again, if and only if my wife was telling me it was the only way I'd get sex for the next year.
- age 26, Ohio
I think I was about 14. I was masturbating in the shower and decided to sit on the edge of the tub and lean against the shower curtain a little for support. I kept leaning against the curtain more as the pleasure got greater. All of a sudden, as I was going into the throes of orgasm, the curtain ripped off all of the holders. The curtain and I went crashing onto the floor, and all of my family heard. Family members were calling through the bathroom door, wondering if I was all right. It was good that they didn't come in and see my semen, still-erect penis, and the shower curtain on the floor in tatters. However, the fact that they didn't come in meant to me that they must have known what I was doing. I was masturbating so frequently – and my brother had walked in on me at least 5 times that year – that I think everybody knew. I walked around quite embarrassed for a week or so.
- age 37, New York
This year, I often played basketball after school. When I complained that my muscles hurt, my mom bought me some IcyHot. I would rub it onto my legs every night and sometimes my mom would rub it onto my back. It felt so good! Of course, I then thought, Why not try it "down below." One day I rubbed it all over my penis and then did not even touch it – I just let the IcyHot get hotter and hotter. At first it felt good, but then it started to burn. Even when I tried to wash it off, it still burned for about 30 minutes before it stopped. So I never did that again.
- age 13, Florida
I masturbated once using a male masturbation toy. It freaked me out because the device seems to be too rough, and I am afraid it is going to injure my penis. I will never do it again! Using my own hand to masturbate or rubbing my penis against my mattress seem much safer, and it is much easier to control the movement!
- age 29, California
I tried the "Butterfly" technique, but I have not used it since because I do not like the semen flying all over.
- age 14, Canada
During the summer, there was a storm and the rain felt very strong. I lay outside on the ground, nude, to direct the force of the rain onto my nipples, my belly, and especially, my penis. I ejaculated while putting my erect penis right under a gutter that poured out water like a violent shower. I used this technique only once because of the circumstances: being alone, in a deserted place, in warm weather, and a strong rain. If I could find these conditions again, I would be glad to try it again. It was great!
- age 51, France
I had read about putting your penis under a faucet (as when you are in the bathtub) and letting warm water stimulate it to ejaculation. I tried it, and after quite a while, I still did not get anywhere near orgasm. So I stopped and masturbated normally. If I ever have the time to kneel in the bathtub for 30 minutes, I might try it again.
- age 16, Texas
It was "The Crook." The good thing about this technique was that I had such a strong ejaculation that the semen landed on the wall behind my head. But that was the first and only time I did it, because the orgasm was quite weak. If someone were to tell me that the orgasms from this technique get better over time, I would consider trying it again.
- age 34, Germany
When I first tried using lube, it made masturbation much easier, but it seemed a little messier than when I masturbate dry. I decided not to do it again because I already had enough mess to clean up.
- age 16, Tennessee
It was to not even touch my penis. I just made a thrusting motion in my pants. It took a long time to reach orgasm, but it was probably the biggest erection I have ever had. I only did it once because it takes so long to have an orgasm. I might try it again, if I can find the time.
- age 21, Idaho
The only thing I have tried that did not really work well was using the dildo I bought. It turned out to be too big, and the vibration wasn't strong enough for me. So right now, it is stashed away in my sock drawer waiting to surprise an unsuspecting snooper.
- age 18, California (female)
I once inserted my penis into a ceramic vase and moved the vase up and down. I couldn't reach orgasm, but I came close a few times. I had to finish using the normal fist method. I did this only once because someone could walk in on you over the noise of the rubbing, plus the friction is rough on the penis skin. I will never do it again because the skin on my penis was sore afterwards.
- age 15, Florida
"It's amazing how stupid you feel when
your penis is inside a piece of fruit!"
I tried the "Blind Melon" – a cantaloupe to be exact. Why only once? Because it's amazing how stupid you feel when your penis is inside a piece of fruit!
- age 21, Wisconsin
I always thought that if I filled a bag with lotion and warmed it, it would feel great. Sounds good, eh? Well, it turned out to be a huge mess and waste of lotion. Because of the lack of enjoyment, I would not try it again.
- age 16, Washington
One time in the shower, I used soap as a lube. However, it got inside my urethra and stung painfully. I do not plan to ever do that again!
- age 21, Oregon
I used my pool jet to stimulate my penis. It took way too long and did not feel that much better. Moreover, I think it forced water into my penis, because it hurt for about half an hour. Do not try it.
- age 13, Texas
When I was a very horny 14-year-old boy, I filled a washcloth with hot water and covered it with soap. I hoped to simulate the warm moisture of a vagina. I wrapped it around my penis and held the cloth steady with both hands as I vigorously humped away. After a minute or so, my penis began to hurt. However, I kept going, seemingly without control, to strive for that sweet release of orgasm. When I climaxed, I was in pain. I had rubbed my penis raw. The poor thing was one big rug-burn and I was uncomfortable for days. I would never try that again – I do not like torture.
- age 27, Ohio
I tried anal masturbation about a month ago. I didn't think it added anything to my masturbation experience or made my orgasm feel any better, so I've never tried it since, and I don't think I ever will. I wasn't too keen on doing it in the first place, because to me it's pretty gross. So anal masturbation is off my list.
- age 15, Australia
Although this may sound strange, I do not enjoy using lube to masturbate. I have tried it only a couple of times. Not only was it messy, but I also had to reapply the lube continually in order to get the same pleasure. The pleasure of the lube seemed to last only a short time, and that was frustrating. It was not an *awful* experience, though, and I might consider trying it again. However, I prefer my favorite method, which is to masturbate with a shirt, blanket, or sock – something soft and smooth. I cannot use my bare hand because it gets sweaty right away, and it doesn't feel as good as using an article of clothing. That is how I trained myself to masturbate, so it's the method I like!
- age 22, Illinois
The technique I used only once was to hump my bed. I don't know why, but I just felt odd doing it. I have humped a stuffed animal puppet several times, and I enjoyed that. My penis fits nicely into the place where your hand goes. But I have not tried the bed since that first time.
- age 16, Texas
When I was 16, I used a Coke bottle for a dildo. I only did that because I was too young to buy a dildo legally, and I so wanted to feel what it was like to have one inside me. But I wouldn't do it again because now I know the danger of having the bottle break inside me.
- age 36, California (female)
One time, I tried auto-fellatio – trying to suck my own penis – after I had gotten it erect. By almost rolling over backwards, I could get the tip of my foreskin into my mouth, but not enough for any great pleasure. By the next day, I discovered that I had strained so many abdominal muscles, I thought something was seriously wrong with my stomach. It discouraged me. I think that if I exercise enough, perhaps I can actually do it.
- age 15, United Kingdom
I received an electric toothbrush for Christmas. Because I have never had a vibrator, my curiosity got the best of me. The experience *did* feel good, but I climaxed much too soon. I probably will not do that again, because I like the suspense and feelings to build over a much longer time.
- age 23, Texas (female)
I used "Crawl the Wall" only once – to ejaculate into my own mouth. At the time, the idea of eating my own semen greatly turned me on. But after I ejaculated, pfui! I didn't like the taste at all. I had the aftertaste for days. Sometimes, I still get the urge to eat my semen when I masturbate, but then I remind myself of the consequences.
- age 16, Hawaii
"Make sure you set the heating pad
temperature to low or medium!"
I found that baby oil burns if I masturbate with it. Peeing afterward stings, too. Another technique to avoid (or do carefully) is to use a heating pad. I usually masturbate with a lubed sandwich baggie – I hump my pillow. To add to it one time, I thrust into a heating pad that I had wrapped around my penis. It was intense beyond words, and I screamed and groaned uncontrollably. The only problem was I had the heating pad set to high and ended up with a penis that was sore and red. If you try this method, make sure you set the heating pad temperature to low or medium!
- age 19, Arizona
The only masturbation technique I tried just once was the "Rosy Palm" I did it only once not because it was bad – it was my best orgasm, ever! However, it took much too long to ejaculate. Also, it was much too intense for me. However, I was on the floor on my back, and when I ejaculated, my first squirt of semen almost touched the ceiling. I recommend that everyone try the "Rosy Palm," but don't do it often unless you can handle it.
- age 17, Ontario, Canada
I have tried some of the techniques found in JackinExpert, only to discover that I am neither flexible enough nor sufficiently well endowed for some of them, such as the "Monkey Grip." Those that require elaborate paraphernalia are too much fuss for me. One technique I thought I might adopt for most sessions disappointed me on the second attempt: "The Tiny One-Fingered Circle." My first attempt was overwhelming; I rank it among my top 5 performances of all times. The second time was barely ho-hum; it took too long and didn't satisfy me. I wondered why I would spend so much time to achieve such mediocre results. I learned that the basic strokes still work best for me – and probably do so for many other people, too.
- age 61, Michigan
One time I used anal stimulation with my finger. But even though I had the best orgasm ever, I felt as if I were gay. So I didn't want to do it ever again. If I could know that other straight guys do this, I would readily do it again. I have not had an orgasm as good as that one since then.
- age 16, Alabama
I tried to use ice, but I didn't like it at all.
- age 24, North Carolina (female)
I tried the "Blind Melon." I cut the hole in the melon, but when I thrust my penis in, I couldn't get it out. I had to cut the melon to get my penis out, and I was so afraid I was going to cut off my penis.
- age 17, Indiana
I once had a guy masturbate in front of me while I played with my breast and made my nipples big. He got so excited that he ejaculated right over my head and then onto my chest. When I got home, I masturbated for hours. I only did this kind of thing once when I was 16, but I would love to do it again.
- age 41, Connecticut (female)
I use the same technique all the time. It may sound boring to you, but I want only to ejaculate as soon as possible. Why waste time trying something new when you can use the same technique that you know works well?
- age 16, Australia
I got onto my shoulders with hips and legs extended up the wall so I could ejaculate into my mouth. It all worked as it should, but I have not been tempted to try it again. My neck hurt for a week. Perhaps if I were younger?
- age 65, Texas
A close male friend and I talked about the female G-spot, so I wanted to find mine and see if it really is as good as it's supposed to be. Normally, I masturbate by stimulating just my clitoris, and the G-spot is inside the vagina. So my session was a little awkward, because I wasn't used to reaching into my vagina. It took me much longer to reach orgasm, and even then, it didn't feel as good as I thought it would. I haven't tried that technique since then, because I don't think the experience would change.
- age 14, Ontario, Canada (female)
One time I inserted an object into my urethra. It was a thin, soft gel Vitamin E pill that I often break and use for a lube. It hurt when I inserted it about a quarter of an inch into my penis. When I removed it, I stroked to a marvelous orgasm. For about one day afterward the tip of my penis hurt, especially when I urinated. And I was a bit worried about infection.
- age 41, Massachusetts
It was the "Banana Man," once just to see how gooey it felt. It was an intense orgasm but extremely messy. And let's face it – I'd rather eat a banana than have it eat me.
- age 18, New York
As a novelty, I once tried to masturbate while driving my car. When I ejaculated, I nearly ran off the road! It was just too dangerous ever to try again.
- age 65, Australia
I used "Now I Lay My Hand Down to Sleep" only once – the one where you sit on your hand until it falls asleep and then masturbate with it. It didn't feel like anyone else was masturbating me. And it took a while for my hand to fall asleep. I wouldn't do it again.
- age 17, Washington
I tried masturbating upside-down once but got dizzy!
- age 22, Texas
Last weekend I took a condom out of my dad's drawer and put it on and masturbated. I'm never going to do it again, because I felt guilty for taking it, and also I'm scared he will notice one is gone. I didn't like it anyway – it felt weird, and my penis was too small for the condom, which made me feel bad.
- age 13, Australia
It was the "Tub Straddle." Never am I doing that again – it was too painful to my penis. After that I just ended up going to my room and finishing the job.
- age 18, Pennsylvania