I'm interested in seeing my friends' penises, and I have fantasies about masturbating with them. (Not having sex – just masturbating.) I would never want a relationship with a guy, because I don't really feel any attraction toward males other than wanting to see them in the nude. So what am I? Just because I am curious about masturbating with another male, does this make me gay? Or am I bisexual?
- age 16, New York
Well, as I mentioned in my article WHAT IS HOMOSEXUALITY?, I don't think it's a great idea for most people to try to settle on a sexual orientation until they're in their 20s. At your age, you're still sorting through your feelings. It's great that you're acknowledging your attraction to both sexes – that's very healthy thinking – but why not just leave it at that? If you're compelled to give yourself a label at this point, perhaps "bisexual" would be best; this will allow you to go either way later on, if indeed you decide you prefer one gender over the other. I certainly would advise against convincing yourself you're gay if you have a strong attraction to women. There's no reason to abandon those feelings, because they could become very important to you later in life.