For 22 years I had no sexual release except through masturbation.

(I'm a 3-a-day man, but when I was in high school it was more like 6 – I blame tight school skirts.) I finally landed a girlfriend, and shortly thereafter we started having sex. I quickly discovered that I am almost completely unable to ejaculate during intercourse. I can manage it only by holding my breath and restricting myself to strokes that are similar in nature to masturbation. I think I know why: In the last few years I've been applying more and more pressure to my penis while masturbating. I don't remember when I started holding my breath, but that seems to have crept in as well. At the same time, I was concerned that my masturbation sessions weren't taking long enough, so I experimented with delaying orgasm. I stopped pushing the limits when I managed an hour of masturbation without orgasm. Sex feels good to me, and it's not her – we are a very tight fit (she says I'm very wide and we almost always need to use a lubricant), and she is an interesting, adventurous, and skilled lover. Still, we are often forced to stop before I can manage an orgasm. I never particularly mind this, but she seems to feel bad about it, often asking if I find her attractive and always looking for something in herself to blame. Is it possible I have desensitized myself with furious and tight masturbation over the years?

It's possible, although I don't know how tight you've been. But I've heard a lot of males complain about this problem. I frankly think that for someone in your situation, masturbation doesn't help matters – it seems that if you never masturbated, you wouldn't have any problem achieving orgasm with a girl. So I would suggest refraining from masturbating for a few days before you have sex. If you have sex often, try not to masturbate for a while – or at least do it less often. I think that will increase your readiness to orgasm when you're with your girlfriend.