I am very horny and I try very hard to get him in the mood, but most of the time he just pushes me away and tells me to leave him alone. But recently I discovered he's been masturbating. Although I'm not a Playboy centerfold, I am attractive, so what gives? Why does he prefer to masturbate instead of having real sex with me? I asked a male friend who said masturbation was more enjoyable than having sex with a woman, but I can't believe that.
I'm sure I don't need to tell you men and women perceive sex and sexuality in very different ways. For men, sex is a very physical thing and not nearly as emotional, mood-based, and love-oriented as it is for women. Because of this, and for complicated and ancient evolutionary reasons, many men lose interest in having sex with the same woman after an extended period of time – and a great many of these men turn to masturbation as an outlet. In your particular case this seems to have happened rather quickly, although you didn't mention how long the two of you had been sexually active before you got married.
Naturally when a wife is repeatedly turned away she takes this personally, as you seem to have, even though you aren't at fault. The fact is that even if you were the most beautiful woman in the world, he probably still would have lost interest by now. And yes, when it gets to that point, masturbation is more enjoyable than "real" sex, because masturbation allows him to indulge his fantasies in a harmless, non-threatening way. Please bear in mind that even in very happy, sexually active relationships the man often masturbates as an additional, different outlet. In cases like yours one practice just takes over the other, unfortunately for the partner.
I'm not sure there's much you can do. You might seek out some kind of couples' sexual counseling. Perhaps a creative, communicative approach can restore your mutual sex life again.
Do you find yourself masturbating more often during some seasons than others? Why?
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