Get a large zucchini or cucumber (the texture is different, so try both), about 8" long and 2" wide. Slice off the stem end. Put it in the microwave for a minute or two; this softens the material inside. Then take a knife and slowly hollow out the inside, being careful not to puncture the skin. Try it on for size after it is cool. Now lube up – you might not need as much as you think, as the natural moisture inside helps. After you get going, alternately squeeze and release the vegetable. This will create a sucking action since the air inside cannot escape. Even if the air does get out through a small hole or tear, this technique seems to work.
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If you're straight and use gay porn, how would you feel if someone found it?
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