I'm currently 22 years old and fresh out of college. Masturbation has been a big part of my life for as long as I can remember, and it still is. I'm proud of my daily habit and am open about masturbation with my friends. It wasn't always like that, though — I remember being very ashamed of it as a child. I'd like to share all the notable experiences that I've had in my life that make up my masturbation "history," as well as those events that eventually led me to the healthy views on masturbation that I have today.
Even as young as 7, I already knew how to masturbate, so I can't recall any single event when I discovered it for the first time. I masturbated on a regular basis — perhaps once every 3 days — when I could, but the fear of getting caught by my parents was strong. Understandably, I was more afraid of getting caught by my mom (who was very religious) than I was by my dad, so even back then, I instinctively knew that masturbation was a guy thing. Around that period, my parents separated, and my dad re-married and eventually had a whopping 7 kids. In hindsight, I'm certain I must have inherited my dad's strong sex drive, which probably explains why I masturbated so much as a kid.
Before puberty hit, my preferred method was to simply rub my penis through my pants until I reached orgasm. Sometimes I'd masturbate by taking out my penis and rubbing it directly, but I liked the slow buildup that resulted from rubbing it from the outside. I didn't know exactly what orgasms were (I didn't even know the word), other than the fact that I wanted my penis to throb at the height of every session, which made me feel *really* good, and that my penis would be extremely sensitive afterward. However, because my mom was so religious and a lot of her beliefs washed over me when I was young, I felt guilty every time I finished masturbating (quietly and out of sight, of course). However, I never refrained for long, because the urge would always overtake me a few days later.
My first ejaculation occurred just before I turned 11, when I was staying at my dad's house. (My parents have been separated, but I was always welcome to visit my dad.) I remember sitting on the toilet, pretending to use the bathroom, when I was actually rubbing my penis up and down. As I felt the buildup occur, I knew the inevitable orgasm was close, when all of a sudden a clear liquid initially spurted out, and later flowed smoothly, from my penis. I stared at a portion of the liquid that had flowed onto my right hand, surprised at first and initially afraid that I had broken something. But logic overtook fear, and I felt excited that an enduring mystery had finally been solved. You see, prior to that time, I knew that babies came from the union of sperm and egg. I knew that women carried eggs — somewhere — but I was also mystified as to where men carried sperm. I initially assumed that sperm stayed in a man's saliva, because every movie I saw showed a woman getting pregnant every time a man kissed her for a long time.
As I sat there, staring at this strange liquid, comprehension dawned over me and I suddenly felt very grown up. I cleaned up and left the bathroom, passing through the living room where my dad's family was watching The Simpsons, and lying down on my bed to read, suddenly feeling like I had just reached a milestone. Over the next few months, I noticed the liquid increasing in volume, as well as getting thicker and whiter. Rubbing my penis from the outside of my pants was suddenly becoming a chore, because not only was my penis getting too big to stay confined when I had an erection, but the sticky mess it would leave behind was uncomfortable. I finally switched to the traditional "fist" method I use today. I also had my first and only "wet dream" around that time: I woke up from a very sexy dream to find my pants and blanket soaked in the morning (I hurriedly cleaned up afterward).
My biggest revelation occurred when I was about to turn 12, when I discovered that I wasn't the only person on earth who knew how to masturbate. I met a friend named Mervin, who was also my age. He went to a different school, but my mom and his parents were friends. Mervin's family eventually agreed to move into our house and pay rent (my mom arranged for them to live on the second floor), so Mervin and I became good friends. Months later, we were alone in my bedroom, just talking, when the conversation steered toward sex. It started by him mentioning a funny story he heard from a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend (you know how those stories are): A taxi driver noticed a lady using her fingers on herself "down there" as he was driving her around town. When she left, the driver noticed a big puddle where she'd been sitting and had to clean it up in a hurry before his next passenger arrived. I laughed at first because I thought Mervin was joking, and second, because I had never heard that girls could do the same thing. At the end of the story, Mervin said something to the effect of, "I guess boys aren't the only ones who get wet when they do it." This simple statement hit me like a sledgehammer — it implied that (1) not only did girls masturbate, but (2) Mervin knew that guys did it too, and (3) by extension, in order for Mervin to know about masturbation, he must do it also.
I sat very quietly. Mervin must have noticed, because after a long silence, he asked, "Do you masturbate?" And I remember answering, "Do I what?" I didn't know the proper term for masturbation, and it's thanks to Mervin that I finally learned the word. He made a rubbing motion with his hand, and I finally realized what he was talking about. I was still very ashamed about masturbation, so I sheepishly said, "I don't know how." After a long silence, Mervin asked, "Do you want me to teach you?" I was agog for a few moments, just making sure that I'd heard things correctly, when I suddenly became very curious and agreed to let Mervin teach me. Mervin pulled down his shorts and went at it, and I asked him questions along the lines of "When did you start masturbating?" (answer: "Two years ago"), "How did you learn to do it?" (answer: "My cousin taught me"), and "How often do you do it?" (answer: "Every day"). In the middle of the session, sensing that I had learned enough from his initial demonstration, Mervin asked me to join him. And I did, and we masturbated all the way to orgasm.
Needless to say, Mervin and I became very good buddies after that, regularly masturbating together, answering each other's questions, and experimenting with different ways to make us feel good. Weeks later I confessed that I lied about not knowing how to masturbate, and Mervin answered, "I knew all along." We were never discovered, and that year turned into one of the most fun years of my life. Being brainwashed by my mom into believing that masturbation was wrong and unhealthy, and getting to know Mervin, opened up a whole new world. Through him I learned that other boys in the neighborhood masturbated, too, and that Mervin would sometimes masturbate with our common friends. It was a mind-blowing revelation. Even though I never worked up the nerve to masturbate with someone else my age (Mervin was the only person I was comfortable with at the time), I did see my other friends in a different light.
Around that time, a cousin named Vincent came to stay with us for a few days. He was around 18 and was in the Coast Guard, and we let him stay in one of the guest rooms. He was tall, fit, funny, and friendly. He was the most fun "grown up" I've ever hung around. I also learned he was one of the horniest people in the entire house (I kid you not, I have yet to meet another person who was as comfortable and open about sexuality as Vincent was — even Mervin seemed to be in awe of him). I was alone with him in his room while he was rifling through his baggage when he pulled out a magazine. By now I had been masturbating regularly with Mervin, and we had both fantasized about what real sex would feel like, when Vincent suddenly handed me this magazine that showed pictures of real people doing it. This was my first encounter with pornography, and during the first few seconds when I cradled it in my hands, afraid to open it, it felt like I was holding the Holy Grail. I finally got the nerve to open the magazine and leaf through the pages, and the pictures blew me away.
Vincent certainly knew what effect a magazine like that would have on me, because he made up some mumbo-jumbo about having to do some errands downstairs and said, "You could look at it in the mean time." He left the room, leaving me to stare at the pictures in amazement. I saw people having sex in different positions, and I caught a glimpse of what grown-up body parts looked like. Even though Vincent left me a lot of time alone, I didn't masturbate, even though I certainly had the urge to do so. Curiosity overtook me, so that when Vincent returned with a handful of clothes and began folding them, I closed the door and asked him timidly if he masturbated. He answered yes. Then I asked him if a grown-up penis looks the way it does in the magazine. He answered yes. I desperately wanted to know what I would look like in a few years, so I finally worked up the courage to ask him, "Can I see what yours looks ! like?"
He mulled it over for a few moments before putting down a shirt he was folding. He leaned against the wall and nodded. He seemed very relaxed and sat in a very open position and he didn't say a word. I curiously pulled down his pants. It wasn't erect initially, but it eventually became erect, and it turned out to be huge. He let me touch it, and I was surprised about how warm and "heavy" it felt. Both my hands could grasp it and still leave room. I stroked it up and down maybe 3 times and left it at that. I hoped Vincent would then masturbate, because by now I really wanted to see what a grown-up ejaculation looked like (I imagined that he could produce a very big puddle of semen) — but he didn't do anything. He smiled and pulled up his pants and said he had a lot more clothes to fold. I left his room a little sad, but at the same time elated that he let me borrow the magazine for a day. I shared it with Mervin when he got back, and we masturbated over it many times. I gratefully gave it back to Vincent the next day, and he left a few days later.
Mervin and his family moved out a year later, drawing to a close one of the most exciting and sexually educational periods of my adolescence. Thanks to them, all the negative feelings associated with masturbation have been dispelled, and because of those experiences, I view masturbation as being a very healthy and normal part of human life.
The last anecdote I'd like to share is my time spent in college. College is a great time and place to meet people, to share, and to be exposed to new ideas. I was very lucky to find an outgoing, friendly, and energetic roommate. He taught me how to work out in the gym, we went out to parties, and we spent a lot of time together. As roommates we became comfortable enough with each other that we no longer tried to hide our sexual habits from each other. When we first became roommates, I would masturbate quietly in the bathroom to avoid embarrassment — after all, I didn't know how he felt about masturbation, and I didn't want either of us to feel awkward. One day, right before finals, I joked to him that I was falling asleep and needed to masturbate to wake myself up. I was half-kidding, but he said, "That's a great idea. I get exhausted when I do it, but if it works for you, go for it!" And I did. I masturbated in my room and emerged energetic and refreshed, ready to study a few more chapters in the dining room. I remember him looking at me as he made a fishing motion with his arms while playfully asking, "Who's a master-baiter?" And I answered, "I am!"
Our time together was a lot of fun, and after that day, I was very open about masturbation. We constantly joked about it, I'd ask him questions, and he'd ask me questions, too. And because he had a girlfriend, I'd ask him a lot of questions about what sex feels like and what works for him. He knew when I would go to my room to masturbate, and I knew when he would go at it solo or with his girlfriend (she is very loud and ecstatic in bed). One time when we were working out at the gym; it was a particularly long and exhausting workout, and he suggested that we go to the sex shop to rent some pornos to help unwind. In the middle of benching, I happily agreed, and after the workout we rented two videos. He also bought an apple-flavored condom and some lubricant for him and his girlfriend (she was coming over the next day). He wanted to masturbate that night so he could last longer with her the following night. We masturbated at the same time; the videos were awesome, and it was a great bonding experience. (The following night, his girlfriend seemed to enjoy the gesture — they were both in his room for hours!) He is one of the best and closest friends that I have, and I cherish our time as roommates.
This, in a few paragraphs, is my masturbation history. I've had only a few experiences but they were all very memorable. JackinWorld is a great site, and I hope to read about your life stories, too! Keep masturbating!